I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
True college students do jello shots in the library
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
