dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
