why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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