If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
