In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
