dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
