Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
