And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
