Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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