lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
