I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
