You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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