Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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