It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
