a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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