used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
