Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
