absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
