Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
