I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
