Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
