I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
