Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
