If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
