This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
