I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
