the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
