Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
