i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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