I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
