Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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