it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
