Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
