she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
