ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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