C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's always time for handjobs
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
