I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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