Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am in a vortex of obligation.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
