I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
