highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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