Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
