We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
