So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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