NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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