I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
