Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
