so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
