Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
