I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
