What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
