Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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