why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
