I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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