I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
