tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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