hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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