i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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