nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I wear drunk well.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
