turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
