She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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