The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
