Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
