Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
