I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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