Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
