Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
