dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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