Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
