im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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