My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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