She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
